The Secret of Good Partnerships
Our civilisation today has evolved in many ways, compared to ancient times, but nevertheless we still are searching for the holy grail of a good partnership. Since the time of pharaohs, Greek philosophers and roman emperors, mankind is puzzled by the secret of love.
If we may generalise on a worldwide scale then one important element in human behaviour though has shown an immense evolution: the emancipation of women and the resulting respect for them. This evolution lifted “the weak sex” onto an equal level as that of the man, and provided the indispensable condition for a successful quest for a balanced partnership. But it has some consequences, just like personal freedom invites you to generate your own judgements.
If you want to go for this quest of a well-balanced partnership you should start by getting to know yourself better. Although we all want to be happy, we always will start our search for happiness at the same point: yourself and your deepest feelings, whether they are positive or negative. If you struggle in a significant way with your own “subjects”, it will be quite difficult to work out a balanced partnership. These subjects may come from your childhood, your education, your experiences and – last but least – from yourself as we all are to a certain extent the result of our genetic fingerprint. But mankind has been blessed with an exquisite tool to overcome this dominant influence of genetics: consciousness. Humans have the capability to re-program themselves and consciousness is one of the cornerstones.
In general men are influenced by their ego which means that they must have a quite constant feeling of being important, representing a certain position in a community and proving (to themselves) that they are capable of achieving something; they not always are conscious about this, but when one would analyse himself into his deepest, then he would conclude that a lot of his behaviour is conditioned by ego.
Women, in general, are not that bothered by the need to prove something to the community, although they also have their own conditioning such as being puzzled by their question(s) how to cope with their emotions (further described as emo). They are conditioned by their emo and occasionally do struggle with it.
Uncontrolled ego and emo will lead to conflict situations, as can be seen in many partnerships.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being conditioned by either ego or emo. Just be fully aware of it when you start your personal search for a more balanced partnership, whether it would be with the same partner or with a new one. Analysis of your deepest self can be painful as you will be confronted with the discovery of your own (unexpected) limitations. But it is worse to neglect these and keep on stumbling from one relationship to another. Once that you have met with yourself and have accepted your new opinion about yourself, then you have created the condition to re-program yourself and to come in harmony with your environment: to see the other person as an opportunity to learn; as your teacher.
A further cornerstone to a balanced relationship is the capability to emotional communication. Open your heart to your partner and to your real friends. If they are genuine, they will appreciate your gesture, may follow you in this, and you will have created a bit of happiness at that moment. Even if the subject is about a problem that bothers you at that time or if the emotion is not a happy feeling; the fact that you have opened your heart will create goodness – during, but also after the conversation. Emotional communication not only is about transmitting the “feeling of bubbles” between a couple in love, but it mainly is creating a feeling of emotional connection between “soul mates”. Lack of emotional communication on the long term will kill any partnership, regardless of the intrinsic quality of the partnership. The effort to apply emotional communication is minimal, compared to our daily material efforts. It is like having a Ferrari engine and not being bothered by adding some oil. Emotional communication can teach you a lot – about your partner, but certainly also about you. Analyse your behaviour and your reactions – spoken and unspoken – when you have been confronted with the words of your partner. If you really are honest to yourself, you will have to admit that, for an important part, your partner is a mirror to you.
Many people – men and women – because they are not in harmony with themselves are on a constant search for compensation. They fool themselves by chasing “bubbles” and when after a certain time these “bubbles” in a new contact starts to fade away, they are “on the market for a new experience”. It is a pity that those “Bubble-hoppers” don’t put time and effort in themselves. They might have their best trip ever.
Mutual respect is a further cornerstone to a balanced partnership and means that both partners accept the opinion(s) and feeling(s) of the other, whatever their own opinion or emotion on that particular subject might be. It creates a valid platform for communication. There cannot be communication in harmony without respect. Even when opinions are very different or when times in a partnership are very though, respect should remain as a bastion and as a last resort to clear up things in a proper way – for the good or for the bad. This might be the hardest nut to crack as when things go bad or when we have been hurt, we most of the times retract in our emotional shell and blame the other for hurting us. Showing respect as a human being for someone who has been hurting you and trying to understand their action is indeed a very hard challenge, but if you succeed in this you will be rewarded with a feeling of internal glow, called “Serenity”.
There are no set menus for “Happiness”, “Luck”, “Wellbeing”, “Harmony” because we are all different in some way and each of us has his/her own perception on the meaning of these words.
But there is a universal key to open the door which leads to the area of all these: LOVE.
“People generally are in such a hurry to become partners that they don’t allow themselves sufficient time to find out whether they can be friends”. (Spirit)
“Bubble-love is both looking at each other; real love is both looking into the same direction”. (Saint-Exupéry)
“Real friendship allows the other one to be him/herself, without expectations or justifications. Partnerships mostly disappear when these two conditions appear.” (Spirit)
“When the Eye is free, you will have Vision
When the Mind is free, you will have Wisdom
When the Spirit is free, you will have Love.” (Unknown)